We often hear phrases like ‘she can’t be handled’ ‘she’s too much’ or in some other cases we tell each other ‘she is impossible to deal with’. In other words they blame the modern African woman.
Some men argue that modern women abuse their liberty and always talk about in the name of modernity.
“I always see 32 year old women who are acting like teenagers, excessive partying and drinking, ignoring that liberty does not wash away the quality of being mature and responsible,” a man told me.
This prompted me to ask myself if that is really a modern woman, or what people call ‘slay queens’.
Since my childhood, parents always told me to think for myself, believe in myself and aim higher to lead decent life and achieve something great and impactful to the community. As far as I am concerned, this is what I perceive as the definition of a modern African woman.
But I still wonder why these types of women are considered inapproachable, non wifey material.
Some people I talked to, shared views that a modern women do not need men anymore, that they strive for liberty while their focus on work does not leave any place for love and family.
“Women in my days were more inclined on having a husband and children but it is different nowadays. They want money and luxury, it’s all about careers really.”
As I heard those words, the only thought on my mind was wondering what is wrong with being thirsty for a great career to achieve great things. Can’t women have it all?
I discussed the matter with a friend of mine, Kessy Mugabo Kayiganwa, the co-founder and Creative Director at Ikamba apparel. “Women can have it all,” she said.
Commenting on why some African men think success is a bad trait for a woman, Kayiganwa said: “I think some men feel intimidated to be with such a woman or think it might provide loopholes for contempt. They also scared that they might not get the honour they deserve once unable to cater for needs under their responsibilities as per cultural norms.”
Another man observed that it is hard for African men to stay with such women because they prefer, in most cases, to be with women with less success lest it threatens their masculinity.
“I think the problem lies in factors and standards considered while selecting our partners. Men want a woman who is less successful and women want men who are more successful and it has become an issue for relationships,” he said.
But at the end of the day there is no right way to meet someone. There is no single way for a relationship to function. The old idea of the breadwinning husband, and the perfectionist housewife with her two well-behaved children as the picture of a family is slowly disappearing. .
The problem is about the standards and conditions we have set in our minds that have to change. Humankind adapts in every situation and this should not be an exception.
“I think modernity is part of life, the problem we’re dealing with is that men and women think modernity is an excuse for individual issues and behavior.”
There is no such thing as a perfect wife or a perfect husband, it all comes down to compromise and partnership.
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