As many Africans go abroad for different reasons, they face a different world than their own, a different culture and different people and it might just affect or impact their perspectives.
I have always wondered, when it comes to dating. Is it always the same, is it harder, is it shocking or is it even better? My curiosity led me to ask a friend of mine living abroad.
I had a conversation with Olivia Umuhire, a Rwandan living in Warsaw, Poland. She told me that most things change when you go abroad because you are confronted with cultural differences, and reality and you might just try different things.
“Dating here is more free, you see many people allow themselves some liberties they would otherwise not do if they were in Rwanda because no one is there to judge you or make you feel uncomfortable,” she said
There are certain cultural shocks that our diaspora experiences like the culture of moving in together. Umuhire told me she first thought it was out of the norm but soon later found out it is what everyone else is doing.
“Moving in together and living together is such a shock because back home that would be considered improper, highly inappropriate but when you get here you actually see it is their lifestyle,” she said
On some other shocks, Umuhire recalled one of her earliest experiences where she went for a dinner with a polish man. “Everything went well until the bill came,” she said
“I thought because he had invited me, the man would pay as it happens in Rwanda. When the bill came, he asked to split it–which is fine–but at the time I wasn’t used to that and thought the man was supposed to pay because he had invited me,” she continued
From her own point of view; “Dating here is 50/50. It is not always giving and never receiving, but you find that in Rwanda, the girl always expects the guy to give every time. I mean here we pay for dates and for other things as well.”
“You should not be surprised that if you go on a date with someone, they will expect you to share the bill depending on what you agreed on or even pay the whole bill,” she added.
In Rwanda, it is like a conscious rule that guys always have to pay for dates and even other expenses their girlfriends are having, which have come to take to social media to say it is going out of hand because most girls make it a business.
“Here you should not expect anyone to help you financially, everyone is in their own business and so are you,” Umuhire said.
Even though freedom and liberty is a great commodity, Umuhire said, it is not always all good, as they say every rose has thorns.
“There is a downside to that life, you can rarely settle down with someone and some people find they have been in several different types of marriages because they have lived with so many people, there is a kind of downside to that,” she said
“It is rare to find a serious relationship here, because most people want to be in other forms of relationships and not really get serious. I once had a man who told me, he just wanted to have fun and nothing more. And of course you get what he meant by having fun, but this dude would act like he wants to be in a relationship while not really being in a relationship. It was confusing,” Umuhire added.
In our conversation, she kept coming back to how for Africans dating there is a whole ocean to explore because of the countless possibilities one might explore.
“Since there is a lot of diversity here because people come from every corner of the world, there are so many options to explore, which would be different in Rwanda since everyone is Rwandan and in some way the same,” she said.
“There are even different stereotypes here. For example, people here say Rwandans are cute, that Nigerians have money, white people are attentionate. So, exploring that is very interesting.”
I was curious to know if interracial relationships were frequent. She told me they are but not as much as you would expect.
“The first thing you should know is that culture plays a big part in who you will date, which is why most Africans like to date other Africans since they have something in common, it will create some sort of understanding,” observed Umuhire.
“But you find that some African men tend to date white girls with many other ulterior motives, most of my friends who have dated white women always tell me how it is complicated since they are too clingy and different from what they are used to, but they stay with them because it is somehow a better option” she said.
On another note her own taste differs from that of her male friends. “I prefer dating fellow Africans, I also found that white men are not relationship oriented. They prefer to have flings than an actual relationship which is totally different from my own objectives.”
Culture still plays a big role in their everyday lives. Umuhire said that it is what makes them different from all other people.
“Our culture makes us unique in some way. We don’t all conform to moral conduct here. I think as Rwandans we are set in our ways. I can say dating here is more free but it is not easier than dating in Rwanda,” Umuhire noted.
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