Many people still consider mental illness as a light subject and an issue affecting a small percentage of our population.
Most of us walk the streets, go to work or school, enjoy shows without really knowing that we are walking around with depression while others don’t even know they have mental health problems.
Many people endure and hide pain while others make fateful decision to take their lives. Losing someone you love is a great pain to deal with and it becomes much more painful when you lose them by suicide.
In such circumstances, the bereaved family and friends are left with guilt and resentment amidst worries that they did not help the deceased to overcome depression. Here below are things that can help you get through the situation and cope with associated grief.
{{Understanding your grief }}
IGIHE has spoken to a psychologist and lecturer at the University of Rwanda, Dr. Jeanne Marie Ntete who defined suicide as an unexpected situation that no one is ready to deal with where it is hard to accept the reality.
He explained that there are stages of grief people go through after losing and mourning loved ones and advised on how to cope with trauma emanating from losing a loved by suicide.
{{The first stage is denial.}} Denial attempts to slow this process down, helps to survive the loss pretending that it didn’t exist and take us through it one step at a time other than the potential risk of feeling overwhelmed by our emotions.
{{After denial, comes anger.}} It can often be manifested or expressed in puzzling ways to people around us. We may be angry with the loved one who left us in sorrow or be angry with God for taking him/her.
{{The third stage is bargaining.}} In the bargaining stage of grief, you attempt to postpone your sadness by imagining “what if” scenarios. You may also feel a sense of guilt or responsibility, leading you to bargain for ways to prevent more emotional pain or future losses.
{{Depression is also a feeling that you may encounter after loss.}} In this stage, we begin to realize and feel the extent of death or loss. Common signs of depression in this stage include sleeping troubles, poor appetite, fatigue, lack of energy, and crying spells.
We may also have self-pity and feel lonely, isolated, empty, lost and anxious.
The last stage of grief identified by Kübler-Ross is acceptance. Not in the sense that “it’s okay my husband died” rather, “my husband died, but I’m going to be okay.” In this stage, your emotions may begin to stabilize.
People can experience these aspects of grief at different times. What is crucial is understanding your emotions and letting them out without hiding anything.
Dr. Ntete has said people struggling to cope with the suicide yet they have not yet reached acceptance should seek professional help.
“When you have been struggling for a long time, usually after six months, it is considered as pathology. You need professional help,” he said.
In this case, doctors listen to you and provide necessary assistance as much as they can.
You can read more about the stages of grief in a book titled ‘Death and dying’ by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross a swiss-american psychiatrist. She talks about the five stages of grief and how you should understand them to better understand yourself and your emotions.
{{Remember your loved one’s life was about more than suicide}}
Your memories should not be tainted by suicide. It is a common perception that we often consider suicide as a horrific act in our society but you should remember the person as they were not the painful act committed.
Hold on to the memories, whatever you have of them left, texts, gifts, pictures and videos among others and go through them every once in a while with gratitude.
{{Take care of yourself }}
Losing someone can seriously affect your mental health. It is in your best interest to take care of yourself mentally and physically.
{{Look forward }}
With time, there comes acceptance. You let go of the grief or whatever resentment there is, stop wondering why and understand it is time to move on.
Moving on is not forgetting about the person, moving on is accepting reality and allowing yourself to be free from the pain and horrible memories.
When a person faces such a situation and they cannot properly move on because of the trauma, it is a probability that they may also commit suicide.
Dr. Ntete has revealed that it is possible for a grieving person to commit suicide because of depression if he/she receives no special attention.
He stressed that it is important to stay close to those people to help them overcome sorrow.
A person facing such problems can seek professional help and allow those around you to help. If you are struggling with mental health, bear in mind that there are always people willing to help out. The Rwandan suicide hotline is 8015.
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