There is always a debate around the subject but it all comes down to people and their personal experiences around the subject of friendship, love, and breakup.
I had a conversation with many people. Some of them defend friendship between exes while others were totally against. They prefer to move on and never look back.
Those that say that friendship is possible among exes argue that it all comes down to the reason for your breakup, in case the reason for the breakup has had no direct effect on the friendship, then there is no need to break up.
Harad one of the people I managed to talk to says that if the breakup is done amicably and there is no resentment and the basis of your friendship was not affected, then friendship is totally possible.
“In case the breakup has not affected your existing friendship, then it is possible to be friends. If there is no resentment and disrespect, I don’t see why the friendship would also end with the relationship,” he said
Another person I talked to on condition of anonymity agreed with Harad. She said friendship is possible noting that she is friends with most of exes.
“My ex is my best friend, we broke up because we wanted different things. That is why we remained in contact and we still care about each other,” she said.
She said the reason for the breakup will make a way for friendship or if you will both have to live like strangers.
“At the end of the day it all comes down to why you broke up, but if the two wish to remain friends I think it is possible,” she observed.
Kayitare, another person I talked to says friendship is possible depending on how both care about each other and the relationship you had.
“When people are mature, they want the best for each other and they break up amicably and it is normal to stay friends when you still care about each other,” he said
He added that if people have been together through a lot they should not stop caring just because they broke up for some reason.
“When you are mature, you act like it. When someone has been important in your life, you can’t just throw that away when you still care and don’t stop checking on each other,” he said.
Kayitare says that it all depends on the people and the depth of their friendship.
Uwase Kevine disclosed that it all comes down to communication and what you both want.
“I mean if it wasn’t a heated breakup anytime I would prefer to stay friends, people have to stop complicating things.”
She added that it is also a matter of trust and boundaries where things are much easier when there is direct communication.
“Trust, boundaries, and communication are key in building a sane friendship between exes.”
Uwase added that clear boundaries are essential in any friendship and that it becomes more essential when it comes to being friends with your ex.
“It is possible to be friends but clear boundaries must be established so as not to cross any limits,” she said
Many disagree with what these people said. They argue that when what brought the two together is over, so should any type of relationship afterward.
Arsene Muvunyi says that it is better to move on and live separate lives.
“When people separate at some point, they have once had feelings for each other, at some points those feelings can come back and this can be an inconvenience for them and for other people.” he said
He added that when people continue to talk and hang out like friends, it can bring up certain emotions and feelings they thought they had gotten over.
“Feelings come back whether they are prepared or not and sometimes they might get caught up in the same cycle over and over again, and cheat on their current partners,” he said
Muvunyi continued to say, he will never get romantically involved with a girl who still hangs out with her exes.
“I will never! I cannot trust her. Most of the time she would still have feelings for the other guy,” he said
“It once happened to me, I dated this girl who was friend with her ex. I didn’t know it at the time but she later cheated on me. It was a hard lesson to learn,” he continued
Aline Umuhoza also told me that she once fell in love with a young man who was still dating his ex and swore not to do it again.
“Franck (her ex) was always with Jessica (Frank’s ex). They always said they were just friends,” she said
“Because I loved him, I couldn’t leave him early but it was obvious that he still loved Jessica. I learnt the lesson bitterly,” added Umuhoza.
Often times, people want to replace love with friendship, but sometimes this is not for anyone’s benefit.
People always debate about this but in any case, it depends on different factors; who you are, why you broke up, your feelings, and the direction you want to take in your life.
Leave a Reply