The young wife, who lives in Gatebe Sector of Burera District in the Northern Province, dropped out from primary six about two years ago as a consequence of her parents’ incessant conflicts which often made the mother and children spend nights away from home, fleeing from their father’s beatings.
“I got married at 17 because of the conflicts at my parents’ home. I luckily got a man to save me from the bad situation and I decided to join him. My elder sister also got married at 16 years of age as she was also tired of the situation at home,” says Nyirambangutse in solemn face with tears lingering in the eyes.
“Conflicts between my mother and father kept persisting. We, as their children, tried to ease the tension but in vain. Families and neighbours intervened but our father became incorrigible. We fear our father will kill our mother as he is always saying.”
Her younger sister Thérèse Ushizimpumu, 15, also dropped out from senior one last year because her conflict-torn family was not paying her school fees and materials.
“I am currently doing farm activities alongside my mother but I wish I go back to school if I get ways. I reported my drop out to local leaders; they tried to reconcile our parents but their conflicts have become irresolvable. I need help to go back to school. I should be doing senior two now,” wishes Ushizimpumu.
Her elder brother left his parents’ miserable home in search for a better living in Uganda.
“He is working on tea plantation. He escaped from our family’s conflicts and harassment including beatings by his father,” the children’s mother Sylvanie Baziki tells IGIHE on the sidelines of a community debate held in Gatebe Sector on Wednesday.
The family’s fate is one of the horrible situations taking heavy toll on children in some of the families living in the area bordering with Uganda.
The debate that brought together citizens and local leaders was organised by the journalists’ network PAX PRESS in collaboration with Care International, Rwanda Men’s Resource Centre (RWAMREC) and Rwanda Women’s Network.
{{Parents in blame game}}
Baziki got married to Jean Népomuscène Karemye in 1979 and produced together eight children but their conflict erupted eight years ago when the wife sided with their son who accused the father of selling his assets, according to Baziki.
The couple briefly shared their story publicly during the debate with Karemye coming forward first to say that his wife developed a bad habit of taking away agricultural produces three years ago.
Baziki, who abandoned his husband last month to settle at her deceased parents’ home, said Karemye has become incorrigible and not responding to local leaders’ invitation for mediation as the audience clapped in agreement with Baziki’s expression.
Baziki said her husband has been selling away the farm yields without her consent and their standoff has now reached a deadlock because she cannot stay with a man who threatens of killing her. She was advised by local leaders to take her case to court last month but she was blocked by lack of court charges.
Baziki, currently living with her last born daughter, seeks justice for having her share from the property which is entirely in the hands of her husband while the husband insists all the property belongs to him.
Karemye’s views on property and family management are shared by a number of men in the area such as Félicien Kaboga who told the gathering that he must take 90% and leave his wife with 10% of the family’s management.
Some other women expressed their grief over misunderstandings with their husbands who wanted to misuse the family’s property but wives opposed them and ended up going to settle in Uganda where they married other wives, leaving heavy responsibilities to first wives for raising children alone.
The gathering was tipped on the law governing family relationship adopted in 2016 stating that both spouses – man and woman – are jointly responsible for the management of the household, including moral and material support as well as its maintenance.
Anastase Nteziryayo, the Executive Secretary of Gatebe Sector, said they had recently registered 30 families which have serious conflicts but some have settled disputes after intensive sensitisation on the benefits of getting rid of the couples’ conflicts
“There are still issues about family’s property management where men feel they can use it as they please but a number of people are increasingly changing. These family conflicts seriously affect children and some drop out. We often try to get parents keep their children in schools but when parents have no means, the district and different partners intervene to help us get a child back to school. We have so far helped three children in our sector. We regularly teach families to avoid conflicts,” he said.
Nteziryayo pledged to particularly follow up the case of Karemye and Baziki and make sure their last born gets back to school, saying the sector’s office will take up her education if the family fails to do it.
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