Some people actually start regretting why they ever got married even though they love their partners. Some people I have talked to said routine is one of the things that make marriage boring.
“You wake up to the same day over and over again. Sometimes, it just doesn’t stop and you forget to live and make yourself happy,” one of them said.
“And because of other responsibilities like taking care of your children by providing for them, sometimes you just continue to get carried away and you do not remember to do things that can actually bring back the spark,” the person added.
It is not even one experience but many of the married people that I know continued to talk about this thing of ‘bringing up the spark’ in other words reverting back to the honeymoon stage where things are still interesting.
I started to think that this is what probably happens when you get married. I thought it is an unfortunate fate that all married couples face.
But I was wrong, I spoke to one older couple that has been married for 17 years and had known each other for another 4 years prior to their marriage. Today, they still act like they got married yesterday, they have let me in unto the secret of keeping the spark alive.
{{Putting in the work}}
They told me that one mistake couples usually make is that they both know what it requires but they do not want to put in the work.
“If you know what your partner wants and you don’t want to put in the work to make it happen and make each other happy, then it is never going to work,” the husband said.
“If you know what your partner needs and enjoys, then you will know what to do and it has to always go both ways,” the wife told me.
{{It takes two }}
Too often, you find that the reason why one person in the relationship or marriage is bored by the relationship is because they find themselves giving and never receiving.
For instance, you may find the wife to always be the one compromising things for the sake of the husband or vice versa.
This older couple strongly believes that it takes two to actually make the marriage work and keep things interesting.
“Your partner should not always be the one sacrificing or be the one to put in all the effort to make the other one happy. I think it is crucial to always do things for each other.”
{{Surprise each other}}
Surprising someone you have known for a long time might be tricky, they know most of what there is to know about you. There is nothing new in the relationship, but surprises do not have to be about gifts. It can range from planning a spontaneous date to doing something for them that they do not expect.
“Small surprises sometimes touch a person’s heart more than you think, they come from the heart and that is what matters,” the husband told me.
{{Make new memories }}
One mistake that people often make is to live in the past, always remembering how things were, how life was rather than making new memories.
“I used to do that thinking about the past and how things were and the things that we had done, rather than focusing on the present and how we can make it better,” she said.
“Living in the moment also counts, you have to understand the times change and things cannot always be the same but you can make your present enjoyable,” she added.
{{Remembering not to forget }}
As every couple, their relationship was not always roses. It had its thorns. I asked them what mistake they think they have made in their relationship that may have caused them to lose the spark for a while.
“I think one mistake is that we each got so carried away with our own person that we forgot each other,” the husband said
“We became so selfish and self centered that we could never take each other’s feelings into consideration.”
Relationships and marriage take a lot of work, but according to this couple, it is all worth it if you are with the right person.
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