Category: Social

{A wedding marks the start of a lifelong companionship. It is the beginning of the journey to marital bliss.}

A reception in the Caribbean or at the sandy beaches in Seychelles might sound like the perfect place to host your dream wedding.

Every one prays for that kind of wedding we only see in movies. But far from the movies, in real life you can have your dream wedding too. Does everyone get to have their dream wedding? Or are some couples taking on more than they can afford?

Richard Byagatonda got married 15 years ago; his wedding was as simple as they come. To him, it was just a ceremony leading to their happily-ever-after so spending a fortune on just one day wasn’t a prudent stride on their part.

“Our wedding cost us only one million francs, we invited a few people, the reception was at our family home, and basically everything was simple. We have been together for 15 years now and we are still going strong,” Byagatonda says.

“When a wedding is only about a fancy party, life after the big day can be tough, especially if you went all out to make it happen. That’s why I think that planning well right from the engagement day, in some way, contributes to a successful marriage,” he adds.

For Lillian Mutaganzwa, her wedding was classy and somewhat expensive. She had the wedding of her dreams because they could afford it.

“My husband and I always wanted to have the wedding of our dreams, one where we could astound our guests and make them happy. We spent over Rwf 8million but it was worth it. We had the time of our lives,” she says.

However, Mutaganzwa says that people should only do what their pockets agree with. “If you have the cash, splash it around on that once-in-a-lifetime moment, but if you can’t afford the luxury, then you need to plan accordingly because there is life waiting after the ceremony,” she says.

It is wonderful to have resources enough to cover every luxurious desire for your wedding day. But unless you just won the lottery, have a high-end job, have saved money from when you were a child, or are related to some oil tycoon, you might want to take some things into consideration.

Paul Bitariho, a young business man, says that the reasonable decision would be to scrap wedding meetings all together since people tend to make budgets expecting friends and family to cover the cost.

“I don’t support people who make unrealistic budgets for weddings they can’t afford. Right now, I have more than five weddings lined up, and of course all of them expect money, this is a problem. You find that one plans to spend like Rwf6million on his wedding but as an individual, he only has Rwf500, 000 and he comfortably expects others to contribute the rest, this is undeniably ludicrous,” Bitariho says.

Bitariho adds that couples should avoid the mentality of ‘spending to impress or ‘be better than so and so’; they should do what makes them happy and most importantly, what they can afford.

He says that ‘portraying’ a rich status at a wedding is of no use if walls will fall in after.

“All a couple needs is real commitment and happiness; this should be the first priority instead of getting champagne fountains to make your wedding the talk of the town.

“Others even plan weddings abroad, now this is another case. It doesn’t help spending your entire savings if, God forbid, all you’ll remain with are photos after a divorce,” Kalisa says.

Kalisa adds, “In my opinion, I think Africans have lost the sense of direction for things that used to matter the most. We tend to follow what’s trending, we want to do what we see in movies and imitate the likes of Denzel Washington and what have you.”

Deborah Umutoni is currently engaged. She says that her budget is within the means that she and her fiancée can afford. She has no plans to hold meetings because to her, that’s close to begging.

“I think my wedding should be a day for my friends and family to join me in celebrating my love. I don’t see why they should contribute money yet it’s my day. A simple place for a reception and later honeymooning at some tiny romantic hotel is cozy enough for me,” Umutoni says.

She adds that couples sometimes complicate matters and go into unnecessary debt like taking loans to meet unrealistic items on their budgets. And to her, “these are just uncalled for expenses.”

“What’s wrong with taking a loan to finance my wedding,” asks part-time architect, Josephine Komukama.

Komukama is of the view that weddings come once, therefore you have to make the day as memorable as you can.

“I only plan to get married once, and I don’t want to compromise my wedding day all in the name of cutting costs. I don’t expect my friends and family to come up with the cost, so it will be best to get a loan and have the wedding of my dreams. Besides, people get loans for less important things,” Komukama says.

32-year-old Daisy Namara does not like the idea of starting a marriage in debt. And she’s not too keen on passing pledge cards around either.

“I have been saving for my wedding day since I got my first job after I left college. I always said that if I didn’t get married, I would have a baby anyway and use the money as a trust fund. However, I am lucky that as we speak, I am engaged.

“My fiancé can’t believe how much money I’ve saved over the years. I plan on having a very simple but very memorable wedding day,” Namara says.

So, unless you’re planning to elope, you’re going to need a lot more than luck to get through your wedding day.

How you decide to finance your wedding will be one of the first important decisions you make as a couple.
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Tips to have a dream wedding without breaking the bank}}

Be flexible about your wedding date. Saturday night is the most popular choice and commands top prices. You can get better pricing for weddings on Thursday, Friday and Sunday. This applies to your food and virtually all other services. Many hotels offer well-priced packages on these less common days.

Limit your guest list. Be realistic and invite those people with whom you have an emotional connection. Don’t invite people out of obligation, because they just might come, out of obligation.

Plan a destination wedding. A combination of celebration and vacation, this is one of the best ways to keep your guest list in check and reserve your budget for the types of activities that create life-long memories. With fewer guests, you will be able to afford a more elegant venue and meal.

Do It Yourself. DIY projects provide a creative outlet and the opportunity to save money. Websites such as DIYbride and A Practical Wedding provide useful DIY tips and projects for brides.

Find creative ways to decorate. Shop flea markets and thrift stores to find vintage items for centerpieces and other décor items. Everything does not have to match, as long as it is within a cohesive theme.

Skip the full bar. A full service bar is expensive. Serve beer and wine instead, or better yet, a signature drink in an elegant martini glass in keeping with your colour.

Shorten the time frame of the cocktail hour. Make it 30 minutes instead, and save on the amount of hors d’oeuvres (appetizers) and drinks served.

Skip the formal dinner. Create a stylish lounge with cocktail tables and lounge furniture; serve elegant hors d’oeuvres instead of the traditional dinner.

Rent your bridal attire. There are bridal shops that offer an extensive collection of wedding gowns for rent, from budget-friendly dresses to couture gowns.

The New Times

{After being in a relationship for a long time, it’s so easy to take things for granted in our relationship and men are guiltier of doing this.}

It’s really important every man do these things daily in his relationship if he really loves his woman.
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Below are 5 things every man should do daily for the woman he loves}}
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1. Call her from work}}

Taking time from your busy schedule to check on her is something every man should aim to do daily. Calling with the purpose of telling her you love her is a good way of letting her know that even though you are busy at work, she’s still in your thoughts. Every woman would appreciate this gesture.

{{2. Special treatment daily}}

When we hear this as men, our heart tends to skip because what crosses our mind is spending money taking her to the spa. That’s not the only way you can pamper her. Show your lady she deserves special treatment daily by helping her with house chores, giving her a massage and stuffs like that. She would definitely feel appreciated.

{{3. Kiss her}}

When was the last time you gave her a kiss? For most men, they only kiss their woman when it’s time for sex and this is really wrong. Ensure you kiss her every day as kissing make couples feel closer. Ensure you don’t underestimate the power of a kiss; kiss her daily.

{4. Have a conversation with her}

Sometimes we get so distracted by the TV or playing PlayStation that we forget that special woman in our life needs our attention. Ensure you reinvest in your relationship daily by having a conversation with her. Find out how she spent her day and you would be amazed at how excited she would be seeing you listen to her. Every woman wants to have a conversation with a man daily so ensure you give her that.
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5. Do something that shows you love and adore her
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You shouldn’t wait until it’s her birthday or Valentine’s Day before you show her you love and adore her. She wants to feel loved and adored daily and you can do that by dropping love notes, giving her a gift, helping out with the dishes, cooking dinner for her and also appreciating the little things she does daily to keep the relationship going.

ELCREMA

{Many are of the mindset that the child support system greatly favors mothers. The truth is the system exists to benefit children, but because most of those children are in the custody of their mothers, that’s who gets the check. The problem a lot of people see with that — mostly fathers required to pay money each month– is there’s no checks and balances to make sure those checks are actually being spent on the child.}

It’s a fair concern, particularly in the realm of the rich and famous, where women reap hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support annually. While we know it’s not cheap to raise a kid (the latest estimate says it costs $245K), we also know it doesn’t cost a million dollars either so some of that overflow of funds most definitely benefits the mother. But when you think of everyday couples who are not a part of the begrudged 1%, a policy requiring proof child support checks are spent on the child’s necessities and not their own wants sounds like more paperwork than it’s worth.

MADAME NOIRE

{It’s normal to feel bad about losing someone you’ve cherished and gotten used to after a while, especially if they are the one who just upped and decided to leave your life– in fact, the feeling can be devastating, but then, it is said that there’s always a positive in every situation, no matter how bad it may appear to be.}

People tend to see only the devastation in a bad break up, but forget to see that it actually may be a blessing in disguise; an opportunity to experience newer and better things, that probably wouldn’t have come had it not happened.
Now, take a lot at the many reasons why a break up may not be bad after all.

{{1. It provides you with an opportunity to reevaluate and rediscover yourself}}

Sometimes, we just don’t know what we really want and tend to go after the wrong thing until we’re hit with some sort of reality check. Being in the wrong relationship can make you forget your real priorities and goals in life (especially, if the person doesn’t encourage and motivate you in any way), and until you snap out of it, you may never find fulfilment. In a situation like this, a break up may be the perfect catalyst for self – rediscovery. It will offer you an opportunity to sit down and think about those things that really set your soul on fire and pursue them.

{{2. You learn to be a better lover}}

No single person is perfect. With each passing experience (good or bad), you pick up one or two lessons, and learn to handle things better in future. Your once ‘good’ relationship may have come to an abrupt end, but you can take solace in the fact that you now know your wrongs, and should you ever be in another relationship, you would know how to avoid the same mistakes that cost you the former.
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3. It provides you with an opportunity to mingle and meet new people… maybe someone even better }}

When you’re in a serious (exclusive) relationship, it’s sometimes difficult to go out with friends to have fun and meet new people because you always want to be there for your partner, just to make them happy, but once you break up from the relationship, it’s a whole different story. You become free to go out, hang out with your friends and meet new people, and who knows? You may even get to meet your real soul mate.

{{4. It’ll help you make a better choice of your future partner}}

The reason why a lot of relationships go sour in the first place is because too many people tend to fall for the wrong persons. Most of us just care about companionship and sex, that we tend to accept just any one that comes our way, and fail to thoroughly assess them.

A bad breakup, however, would help us realize the importance of this first rule of dating, so that in future before we go into another relationship, we’d first of all, set our relationship goals right, and look for the kind of partner that fits into those plans, in order to achieve the desired outcome.

Do not forget, a bad breakup is not the end of the world. It’s just a temporary situation that is meant to make you better. So do not sit and sulk, just take the positives from it, get up, and keep going.

ELCREMA

{Most times, it’s how we handle conflicts and issues that come with relationships that would go a long way in deciding how successful or unsuccessful the relationship would turn out.}

Love sometimes isn’t enough; I’ve seen couples who deeply love each other, but don’t know how to live peacefully with each other. Relationships like these always have the case of breakup today and makeup the next.

In the long run, the inability to handle relationship conflicts would definitely ruin your relationship.

With these eight tips, you would handle conflicts in your relationship much better.
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1. Handle your emotions first}}

The ability to handle relationship conflicts starts from within. Everyone have varying levels of emotions like anger, and an emotion such as this would make you unable to handle your relationship issues.

So, deal with your personal demons first and foremost; learn how to calm yourself when angry and you are halfway there.

{{2. Put away contempt and undue criticism}}

Besides anger, contempt is another thing that makes couples unable to resolve issues — and contempt would end up worsening the feeling of anger.

Contempt include acts like disrespecting your partner, being insulting, acting superior, harshly criticising them, and even ridiculing your partner. Many people are fond of these during arguments; put away such acts and your relationship would be better of.

{{3. Learn to accept your partner’s values}}

Couples fight over issues mostly because they have different values and methods of achieving what they want, and inability to recognise this would heighten tensions in the relationship.

Try to understand your partner’s response even if you don’t agree with them. Understanding their point of view would definitely make things easier; there wouldn’t be an agreement at this point, but there also wouldn’t be a fight and that’s a step in the right direction.

{{4. Learn to listen}}

This is another issue that conflicting couples seem to have. For the previous tip to be duly applied, couples should learn to listen to each other — you would never fully understand your partner’s point of view if you don’t listen.

{{5. Don’t see it as a situation you must win}}

Another reason couples can’t resolve issues peacefully is because they most likely see it as a case they must win. Your relationship shouldn’t be treated like a case in the court of law; when you see things like that then your relationship suffers. When you treat your relationship in a way that you must win then you are only digging the grave of your relationship without knowing.

{{6. Patience
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Patience is an important virtue and it’s one that’s highly important in relationships. Without patience then every other tip would be hard to practice during conflicts.

{{7. Learn to compromise}}

Compromise is like finding a middle ground. Finding this middle ground would make both partners feel safe and respected. If you’ve tried to win over your partner and it didn’t then you shouldn’t force it — be ready to compromise.

{{8. Live it in the past and makeup}}

Making up is one important part that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Inability to do this would make grudges and probably hatred grow gradually — and this isn’t healthy for your relationship.

Now that you’ve learnt how to handle conflicts, put it to practice and watch your relationship grow stronger and stronger, because the inability to handle these conflicts can even turn love to hate if care isn’t taken.

Now that you’ve learnt how to handle conflicts, put it to practice and watch your relationship grow stronger and stronger, because the inability to handle these conflicts can even turn love to hate if care isn’t taken.

ELCREMA

{There are some people who are loved wherever they go, while some are hated wherever they go for obvious reasons.}

However, some hatred are born out of envy for probably success and other good things that a person possesses. While some hatred are born because that person possesses certain characters that aren’t appealing to the general public — and it’s this kind of hatred I want to buttress on.

{{1. You are negative}}

Negative minded people are hated wherever they go; they would probably only be loved by negative minded people as well.
People are attracted to positive things and negative minded people have this negative energy that radiates out of them and no one loves that.
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2. You never smile }}

People are more attracted to smiling people; smiling creates a certain charm, makes you trustworthy and radiates all manner of positivity. However, people who frown are easily hated — they radiate negative energy and nobody wants that.

{{3. Your excesses }}

Everyone has flaws, everyone probably has attributes that could make them seem annoying or disliked at a point. However, there ought to be a balance; if your excesses by far supersedes your positive aura then you would most likely be hated by a vast majority.
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4. An attention seeker }}

An attention seeker is hated everywhere. This is one attribute people don’t come to terms with — attention seekers are unoriginal, they are pretenders and so many things about them pass a message of negativity.
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5. Selfish}}

Have you ever seen a selfish person that’s really loved? Except that selfish person has other outstanding qualities, which is really rare. Selfishness would put you in the bad light and could make people keep away from you — selfishness would even make you lose lots of friends. No one likes a selfish person.

{{6. You are a hater}}

Every hater is highly hated by people. Some people hate others for no reason, they hate success, they hate progress and just hate anything good. People like this are easily hated wherever they go.
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7. Bad habits}}

When you have an accumulation of bad habits that people hate, you would also be mostly hated as well. Bad habits like stealing, lying, being a braggart, telling people’s secrets, being two-faced, envy, lying behind people’s back etc. would definitely make you a hated person once they find out who you really are.

{{8. You treat people disrespectfully}}

Disrespecting others would easily make you hated. A lot of bosses are hated because they disrespect others. Nobody is attracted to someone who disrespects others; this would make people see you as evil and wicked.

Do you think people hate you? These reasons listed above would easily make you hated everywhere you go; it would be advised to refrain from such habits and lifestyles listed above.

ELCREMA

{No matter the amount of tutoring you get about marriage before getting married, there are lessons you would learn when you actually get married.}

Below are 7 lessons marriage teaches us

{{1. Marriage isn’t all rosy}}

Romantic movies always portray marriage as a rose without thorns and they always end the movie with the caption – ‘And they lived happily ever after’. The truth is you would have moments you would question your love for your partner. You would learn that there are moments you would have to dig deep to save your marriage.

{{2. You would learn to see your marriage as the best}}

Another useful lesson we learn after getting married is quitting comparisons and instead seeing our marriage as the best. Every marriage has its own peculiar problems but no one would tell you the struggles they face in their marriage. Comparing your marriage with that of others only kills your marriage quick and this is something marriage would teach you.

{{3. Competition kills a marriage}}

When you compete with your spouse, you end up killing your own marriage. This is something marriage teaches us. When you see marriage as a 50/50 game, you ruin your marriage. Marriage isn’t a game. The mentality of ‘if I do this, my spouse should do that’ isn’t needed in any marriage and this is something marriage teaches us.

{{4. Adventures help bring life to a marriage}}

When you get married, you would understand that it is very easy for your marriage to become boring. It’s important you keep adventure alive. You would understand that its easier to keep the fire alive than to bring back the spark when the flames in your marriage go off. Inject your marriage with adventure and don’t let the flame die.
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5. Every moment counts}}

Sometimes we tend to celebrate the big moments and ignore the little ones. Marriage teaches us to acknowledge every moment and make it count. Don’t be too busy chasing money and forget to share special moments with your family because no matter how much you make, money can’t bring back those moments.
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6. Forgiving is vital}}

Marriage would teach you to forgive for the sake of your marriage. Your partner would definitely make mistakes because your partner is human. Marriage would also teach us to ask for forgiveness when we wrong our partner instead of trying to shift blame.

{{7. Love conquers all}}

Marriage would certainly teach you that love conquers all. You would learn to look for more ways to love your partner even better because you would understand that your marriage would crumble if it lacks love. In the end, you would understand that love removes doubts and conquers all.

ELCREMA

{ {{A lot of the times men focus more on what to do and what not to do before sex and during sex, but very few men focus on what the women want after sex.
}} }

Sex requires quite a lot of emotional and physical involvement for it to be above ordinary, and knowing what your partner wants (both physically and emotionally) before, during and after s*x is what would make it awesome.

Like people say ‘different strokes for different folks’, but a lot of women would really love the following after a nice time in the sheets:
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1. Cuddle}}

Most women love to cuddle their man after sex; it provides that emotional connection with their man, and makes them feel special and wanted. It somewhat passes a message that you enjoyed every bit of it and really do care as well. Whereas when you refuse to cuddle after sex, you pass a message of being uncaring, selfish and only wanting them just for your sexual pleasure.

{{2. Fondling}}

While some women love to be left alone after sex, most also love to fondled; this leaves them with all manner of sensation and leaves them geared up for the next round.

{{3. How good they were}}

Women really love it when they are told ‘you good are in bed’; it gives them that sense of fulfillment and could probably make them feel that you won’t be meeting another lady since they satisfy you. Telling them this would really be a boost to their ego.
{{4. A little conversation would do}}

A little conversation after sex makes it worthwhile to most women; it adds a bit of connection too. It could be jokes, conversation about what to do later in the day or the next day; it could be anything, as far as it’s an active conversation.

{{5. Tell her how much you care}}

There is hardly a much better time to tell a woman how much you care about her than just after making love. To most women, a man’s action after sex would determine how seriously he takes her. If he still sincerely tells her how much he cares after sex then it would mean a lot.

{{6. A little snack would help}}

A light food or snack after sex would do a world of good; have you ever tried it? Most women wouldn’t mind; let me rephrase — most women would love to be fed a bit after sex; it isn’t just wonderful, it’s awesome.

{{7. Care and attention}}

Women love not only care, but they also love attention after sex. Watching TV, leaving immediately, being busy with your phone and other things just after sex would make her feel unappreciated. Give her that care and total attention after sex, and she would love it.

It’s a pity that most men can’t help but sleep after sex. To be fair enough, after reaching climax, the human body releases the hormone oxytocin which would make man sleep. However, most women would still want the aforementioned from their man immediately after sex…you can sleep afterwards.

ELCREMA

{ {{Parents are motivated to avoid isolation exerted on disabled children. The message was conveyed during the closing ceremony of training parents of handicap children in Gakenke district. }} }

Officials from Education, Equality and Empowerment Project (EEEP) reminded parents to treat disabled children equally like others and facilitate them to access education.It followed the probe which remarked 8596 handicaps in Gakenke district.

According to the research 67% of them occupies innate disability.

During the closing ceremony of training parents of crippled children in Gakenke district, Turatsinze Félicien representing EEEP urged parents to take care of disabled children.

“Offered trainings are meant to acquaint parents with increased knowledge of saving disabled children’ life. We ought not to hold them in isolation as they resemble other humans.”He said.

He further noted that it is better to avoid disabled children abandonment to facilitate their social integration which can be a motive to their good performance in class.

Before the training, Uwingeneye Florence, a parent of a disabled would despair and mistreat her child. However; she attests that training attended helped her to shape her perceptions in a way of treating children equally.

She argues that she acquired skills of taking care of her disabled child adding that she is going to warn neighbor parents’ undermining disabled children’ humanity using pejorative names like kiragi (deaf) and karema (crippled).

Following the probe’s outcomes of EEE Project, some of deaf and mute children were sent to study in their school established in Nyabihu district.

{ {{Lies and relationships go hand in hand. So many people would admit that they have told a lie to their partner at least once. Ever felt like your partner isn’t telling the whole truth? Below are 5 ways to tell if your partner is lying}} }

{{1. Use of religious phrases}}

Use of religious phrases are one of the methods liars use and these are potential red flags when you seeking ways to tell if your partner is lying. When people lie, they love using religious phrases like ‘God is my witness’, ‘Heaven knows I’m not lying’, ‘I swear on my father’s or mother’s grave’ and stuffs like that.

{{2. Aversion cues}}

Watching out for aversion cues is another way to tell if your partner is telling a lie. When people lie, they tend to use aversion cues like turning their head or body away when making a crucial statement. If you find your partner using aversion cues when making a crucial statement that could just be a sign that your partner might be telling a lie.

{{3. Use of denial phrases}}

When people lie, they tend to repeatedly use denial phrases like ‘honestly’, ‘trust me’ or ‘to be perfectly honest’ to try to evade the point and try to change a perception. Watch out for these signs when you are trying to seek if your partner is telling a lie or not.
{{4. Nasal engorgement and itching}}

According to experts, when people lie, specific tissues in the nose usually gorge and this cause cells to release histamine which in turn cause the nose to itch. When you are trying to seek if your partner is telling a lie, watch out for nasal engorgement and itching.

{{5. Negation cues}}

Negation cues such as covering or rubbing the eyes, nose or ears and blocking the mouth are used when people lie so when you seeking to tell if your partner is telling a lie, you need to watch out for these cues.

ELCREMA