Category: Social

Some people consider opening up quickly as a good sign indicating trustworthiness and willingness to let you in their secrets.

Others consider it a bright red flag for someone to share everything, on a first date.

This is a sign of someone looking for sympathy to manipulate a date in their favor, especially if it is a heart-wrenching story.

As your date opens up to you about their life story, it can be tempting to offer up some form of consolation, even if you do not know what to say.

This can make it look okay to quickly cross the line into a comforting territory. That is when things can get complicated.

Their story might tag at your heart and blind you from making independent conclusions from the date overall.

Nevertheless, it is necessary to remember that just because someone opens up to you does not mean you are obligated to do anything.

Having someone bombard you with a lot of personal information can make you feel special and emotionally drained at the same time.

It can be hard to set boundaries during some conversations. You may feel like you are hurting the other person’s feelings or being unfair.

Clear your head and think about the date overall. Did you like their personality? Were they respectful to you and the people around you? Were they interested in what you had to say?

Not all stories shared are unfortunate, they can be very happy and loving. Your date might tell you how their parents stayed together for years and how that’s their goal but still have nothing in common with you.

As beautiful as their dream might be, think about it, maybe they stayed together but their relationship was toxic.

It’s important to remember that your date is still entitled to their feelings, no matter how heartbreaking their story may be.

We narrate stories from our point of view, which is why whether happy or sad, you should not make a decision to base a relationship on somebody’s life story.

Keep in mind that some people will happily share their life stories as a way to excuse their behavior in the future.

On your first date, a man tells you about his father beating his mother, in any case, if he does it, he’ll already have warned you, and it could also mean that he’s depressed depending on how he processed these events.

As a woman speaks about having witnessed her father cheat on her mother growing up unless healed, she is likely to mistrust, avoid getting attached, or detach quickly if you make any mistake.

After this, if things don’t work out, be sure to express your feelings honestly and respectfully as well. There’s no need for drama, but a little bit of closure can go a long way.

Let your date know that you have heard them and that you’re there for them if you want to, but will not feel pressured into anything you’re not ready for.

It’s easy to feel guilty in this situation because they have opened up and shared something and it made you feel obligated to repay, but it is necessary to remember that your feelings are just as valid as theirs.

The best course of action could be to try and explain your feelings in a non-confrontational way and listen if they want to talk about it or you could end up being part of their next date story.

Understand that they may not understand, and it might not even end on the best terms, but that is okay!

It’s important to remember that being empathetic and understanding of other people’s feelings doesn’t mean you owe them anything in return.

It’s okay to set boundaries and prioritize your emotional well-being. You don’t have to continue talking to someone who makes you uncomfortable, no matter how close you got on the first date.

It might look like they do not care or are unbothered by anything around them. But often, this could very well be a coping mechanism for a loved one struggling.

They might be overwhelmed and feel like they cannot keep up with the demands of life but do not know how to be vulnerable or ask for help.

The phrase “I don’t take anything personally” is a way of distancing themselves from the world and from the people who are hurting them.

Our different upbringings are what differentiate us from one another. This phrase could have been a coping mechanism to survive their childhood, mostly if they were not allowed to be emotional as children.

It is also possible to use this coping mechanism to deal with disappointment and mistreatment after being hurt emotionally in relationships.

Even though it may seem like nothing is wrong on the outside, it is necessary to be there for an overwhelmed loved one and offer simple self-care tips.

These might include encouraging them to take regular breaks in the middle of the day or away from technology, scheduling relaxing activities, and outdoor activities to de-stress, or simply connecting with people who care about them.

They might need to talk about the situation or understand the root of their ‘I don’t take anything personally’ attitude with a professional such as a therapist. This might be a beneficial route to take.

If you have the means, financial support could help your loved ones focus on taking care of themselves without worrying about how they will pay for counseling or therapy sessions, if not you can encourage them to find a free therapy session online.

Above all else, remember that showing compassion and kindness can make a world of difference in someone’s life. So, embrace the challenge and try your best to give your loved ones the support they need. They need you now more than ever!

According to someone’s beliefs, February 14th is just another Hallmark holiday that was made for profit or another pagan holiday.

For others, it may be the only day of the year they get to express their love for one another. Sad, I know.

However, not everyone celebrates Valentine’s Day. In fact, some people would rather avoid the day entirely.

Here are some tips for keeping your relationship with your significant other going, regardless of whether they celebrate the holiday or not.

{{Understand their reasons for not celebrating}}

Consider that you are in a relationship with someone who has a past, a family background, personal or religious beliefs that might discourage them from celebrating this holiday.

Their religion may disapprove of such celebrations, and they may opt not to participate in such events based on their religious commitment.

Depending on their upbringing, they may not only avoid Valentine’s Day, but also all things romantic.

People who were raised in a culture where emotions were not shown or where their parents argued every other day, but got gifts on Valentine’s Day, feel that this day is pretentious, so they avoid it.

It could also be possible relationship fails that carries bad memories to this day so they don’t celebrate it.

Whatever it is, allowing your partner to voice their reason for not wanting to celebrate this day is beneficial to your relationship and your sanity.

This is going to save you time by overthinking their grounds for not celebrating while also giving you a chance to learn about your partner.

Ask yourself if you are willing to not celebrate this holiday for the sake of your relationship

Are you willing to compromise and give up on celebrating valentine’s day for your relationship because your partner does not celebrate it?

Some people celebrate this holiday with their loved ones just so they don’t feel left out.

You don’t want to be the only one who gets nothing from your significant other when all your friends, including the ones who are single, are happily receiving and giving romantic gifts.

You could also be a true romantic and this day happens to be your favorite holiday, but for a relationship with your perfect romantic partner, whose one flaw is not celebrating this day, are you willing to give up on valentine’s or your relationship?

After giving your partner’s reason for not celebrating this holiday, you should carefully evaluate if their reason is valid enough for you to give up on valentine’s day celebration.

You don’t want to slowly despise your partner over such an issue or find yourself cheating on them over such an issue.

If your significant other is really adamant about avoiding Valentine’s Day and you are okay with that then you can simply give it up, but don’t allow anyone to bully you into not celebrating a day you enjoy if it is important to you.

{{Remove the phrase ‘valentine’s’ all-together}}

Valentine’s day doesn’t have to be valentine’s day, it can be ‘lovers’ day’ or whatever you wish to call it.

This will allow you to not feel as though you are celebrating this holiday like everyone but in your own way as a couple.

This could be a compromise for a couple with one who enjoys this holiday and another who wishes the 13th of February would be followed by the 15th.

{{Celebrate the holiday on a different day…or not at all!}}

Instead of celebrating on that day, switch things up a bit and plan another activity for the following day or even the next week instead.

Seven whole days leading up to this valentine’s day have been given meaning. And you can use those days to show how much you mean to each other and allow valentine’s day to be a normal day.

It’s not worth the stress of forcing someone to celebrate a holiday if they don’t want to participate in any way.

{{Make it “Valentine’s Day” regularly!}}

You don’t have to wait until this holiday to express your love for your partner, which is one of the reasons some people don’t celebrate it and also because it puts too much pressure on a couple.

You should be able to say “I love you” whenever you want and not just wait for a special occasion.

Remember just because they’re not into celebrating the holiday doesn’t mean that they don’t appreciate receiving your love all year round.

Your partner might not be the commercialized valentine’s day type but we all love to be loved and pampered, so make it a day to pamper each other.

Most of us have heard in real life or movies about the so-called biological clock of a woman, but can this clock be one of the reasons causing postpartum depression?

Postpartum is a Latin phrase combining two words; post, which means after, and partum, meaning the act of giving birth.

Until now, some people might find it hard to believe that such a beautiful miracle of giving birth to a human being would bring depression to a mother.

But to others, it is possible to wait for the joy and fulfillment of becoming a mother only to feel severely sad and depressed, also known as postpartum depression.

Some mothers have mood swings, are easily irritated, have difficulty bonding with the newborn, and have a loss of appetite after giving birth.

Women of all ages can experience postpartum depression (PPD). Some experience it at 18 months post-birth, while others do not feel the crushing weight of PPD until they are close to retirement. It all depends on your body and how it reacts to having a baby.

This can be due to having unexpected delivery, and stressful environments can be a significant factor if your husband or family is not supportive of your pregnancy.

Being an alcohol or drug user and having financial concerns can also contribute to a mother’s PPD.

PPD should not be considered a flaw of the mother. This depression can be genetic or a result of physical changes or emotional issues.

Young mothers get depressed after realizing their bodies are not immediately changing back to how they were before pregnancy.

The age of an expecting mother can also affect mental health during and after pregnancy.

If you are over the age of 35 and you are pregnant, you are at risk for developing postpartum depression. Because as we age, our hormones start to change, which can lead to the reduction of serotonin levels, the hormone responsible for mood stability.

As you age, your body and emotions go through more changes, so if you get pregnant later in life, take care of your mental health during pregnancy.

It is also surprising that some older mothers feel shame because certain societies make it unspeakable for older women to have children.

I had an interesting conversation with one of my older neighbors, to which she laughed at the concept of a 52-year-old woman like herself getting pregnant.

“It is funny at this age, one should be caring for grandchildren and resting. Your daughter can’t be in the maternity ward waiting on you to give birth, so she can also go in and give birth,” she said.

These mindsets can make an expecting older woman depressed, worrying that some societies will shun her or that her family will be upset with her.

However, in a positive environment, an older mother will more likely only experience exhaustion and worry than full-blown depression. With an accomplished career and capable of handling daily responsibilities, all she has to worry about is her baby.

Young mothers can experience PPD for several reasons; their careers are just beginning, needing as much attention as their babies will.

Some feel trapped by motherhood after realizing that not only their bodies but also their social life will be changing.

Being pregnant at a young age can look like giving up freedom, which is also a reason for PPD, especially for teenage mothers.

Thoughts of self-harming, death, or suicide, hopelessness, insomnia, restlessness, severe anxiety, and panic attacks come into their minds.

They may find it challenging to bond with the baby, making them feel shame which comes out as irritation, one of the symptoms of PPD.

Postpartum depression needs treatment, or it becomes a problem, not for the entire family. Especially if the mother never bonds with the child, which can result in dismay for the child as they grow.

Knowing earlier that you are prone to this depression, especially if it is genetic, will allow you to seek a doctor or a therapist to help monitor signs of depression during and after the pregnancy.

There is no real age that is perfect to be pregnant that will 100% assure that you won’t get postpartum depression.

If you have been depressed, living in a stressful environment during your pregnancy or have a family history of postpartum depression, then you are at risk.

It is not unachievable though it may be hard depending on the career choice but better to try to reach what you love hence some tips to help you on that journey.

Identify your career options, instead of jumping from one job to another without much thought about your long-term career aspirations. It would be better to determine what career you’d like to pursue, considering your career interests and research career options within that field to guide you.

List your current skills, after researching what it takes to get into that career. First check how many of the required skills you already have, work from there and figure out if they need polishing or if they are at a sufficient level. You can use online assessments to evaluate yourself like on LinkedIn.

Think of your weaknesses, you need to be aware of what you are not good at so that you can start working on them because they are ways to grow and add to your skill set.

Consider your personal value, whether or not you have found the company you want to join or not, you should check that what value in the workplace is fulfilled or matched. Otherwise, there may be consequences later like if the company does not respect the employees’ work-life balance which can cause you to get burnout and such can be a good reason for you to consider before joining.

Lastly, seek career guidance. Be it from a certified career counselor or from a trusted mentor or advisor because two heads are better than one, plus there are things that they could help you discover about yourself and your career decisions.

Remember, ‘when you do what you love, you will never have to work a day in your life’.

If you are triggered by this season of the year, here are a few tips that might help you:

{{Acknowledge the source of your anxiety}}

We have different fears, focus on learning and what frightens you about the new year, and write down reasons you feel you are not excited.

This year it could be that the person you used to spend this time with is no longer there, but last year it was because you dreaded your financial situation.

Give yourself time to feel any emotions that might come from this, and analyze the specific thing that triggers you in this season because you cannot heal if you do not know the disease.

{{Avoid being a pessimist }}

People used to say, ‘It’s the beginning of the year. What do you have to be worried about?’

But my fear was that; the beginning of the year. All the plans could fail, I could lose what I have now, and these thoughts would fill my brain until I had no joy for the new year.

I realized thoughts such as; “What if I don’t meet my goals? Should be replaced by “What if I do meet my goals? What if I am successful? What if I am happy?”

By maintaining positive thoughts, you’ll begin to feel more positive. That’s the best mindset for starting a new year!

{{A supportive group of people }}

One way to feel more excited about the new year is by creating a supportive network of people.

Reach out to friends and family and let them know how you feel and the support you need.

Creating a support system not only gives you access to resources but also ensures that you are not alone in the transition you are going through.

Your friends can offer support and encouragement, offer feedback on your ideas, and be there to celebrate your successes together.

{{Celebrate the little and big moments }}

Take a moment to reflect and celebrate all the little successes you have had.

Make a list of your accomplishments, both big and small. These could include new friendships, starting a new hobby, taking a vacation, or even staying alive.

Looking back at all the great things that have happened in the past can help you feel more excited about the future, as it will remind you of how far you have come.

It will help motivate you and bring feelings of gratitude and happiness.

Reading enables you to pick up new skills, broaden your horizons, and deepen your comprehension of the world.

You may form your ideas and opinions on diverse subjects through reading.

Reading books in your twenties will give you an advantage over your friends and pave the way for your future success.

The knowledge you get from them will save you a seat at any table of your choosing, regardless of the age or social status of others seated.

To make this a habit, you will need to set aside an hour each day or each week, create a reading list, and make sure you stick to it.

It may be hard to make time for reading at first, but eventually, you will get used to it and find yourself fitting books more into your daily schedule.

Additionally, download books on your e-reader or audio versions so that you can enjoy books even when you are on the go.

So why not start reading as a young person? The sooner you start, the more knowledgeable and well-rounded you will become. Below are a few great books to read in your 20s.

{{Recommended Financial and Economic Books}}

{{1. Retire before Mom and Dad}}

In this book, Retire Before Mom and Dad, the author, Rob Berger, details ways to achieve financial freedom while enjoying your hobbies with almost any income.

For anyone scrapping by with a small salary. This book provides a step-by-step guide.

{{2. How I Invest My Money}}

This book is a collection of portfolios of 25 financial professionals as managers, financial advisers, venture capitalists, and other specialists who explain the “how” and the “why” of their investments in this open account of how they invest, save, spend, donate, and borrow.

They talk openly about their varied upbringings, families, difficulties they’ve faced, and aspirations they have.

You will learn from people who deal with money regularly. Their thinking and behavior around one another while also recognizing that your upbringing is a past you can alter.

{{3. A Beginner’s Guide to Leveling Up Your Money: The Broke Millennial Takes on Investing by Erin Lowry}}

If you are on the edge of your 20s, this second volume of the Broke Millennial series will give you a comprehensive rundown of all the fundamentals of investing. This practical book will assist any investor just starting in the market to become a self-assured trader on their road to accumulating money. It covers common vocabulary, managing anxiety, retirement savings, and even how to purchase and sell a stock.

{{Recommended Health and Wellness Books}}

There is a quote that says, ‘physical fitness is not the only one of the most important keys to a healthy body. It’s the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.’

Striving to be in good health this year is a noble goal because with health you have all that you need, even if it is all that you want. Here are some books that are sure to help you in your journey.

{{1. Eat to Love: A mindful guide to transforming your relationship with food, body, and life.}}

A book by nutritionist Jenna Hollenstein would hint that this is a dietician’s guide to losing weight, but rather this is a compass to having a better relationship with food and your body.

Many of us will benefit from this book, as it discusses the fear, frustration, and shame we feel as we approach that dining table at parties, weddings, and sometimes even in our homes.

As more people advertise ridiculous diets and exercises to lose weight and encourage us to do the same, taking pride in how you look and knowing that food is fuel for your body will help you plan better for your body.

{{2. Are u ok?: A Guide to Caring for Your Mental Health}}

This book was a real help to my sister and me when we felt we needed professional help.

Initially, we had no idea if we needed to find a therapist or which one was best for us, but when we found this book online, it helped clarify many things for us.

It helps contrast mental health with mental illness and provides several questions that help you understand if you need professional help.

When you discover that you need help, it provides you a guide on how to approach a therapist, shows you how to make the first appointment, what therapist is a good fit for you, and ways you can discuss mental health with friends and family.

Mental health is important because how we think determines how we feel and act.

Instead of getting your mental diagnosis off reels on social media, movies, and songs, try this book.

{{Recommended Career-Focused Books}}

{{1. Whatever it takes}}

Leading by example Brandon Bornancin, the author of this book, managed to turn his life around and started closing deals for over 100$ million before he even turned 30.

In this book, he teaches how you can overcome and create the business of your dreams.

You will learn to break bad habits while forming empowering ones, grasping the upside of constructive paranoia, and leveraging the power of the one percent rule.

{{2. You Majored in What?: Designing Your Path from College to Career by Katherine Brooks}}

This book is about helping people figure out what they want to do with their lives, based on their interests and experiences. It will teach you how to map out your life, figure out your strengths and passions, and create goals that will help you reach your goals.

{{Journaling:}} An important aspect that will help you make a change.

Not only will journaling help you to enjoy your reading more, but it can also be a great way to relax, stretch your creative muscles, and allow yourself to think more deeply about what you’re learning.

Noting down the keywords, quotes, or steps that helped with a certain book, allows you to ravage through the whole book looking for that particular quote.

This feature allows readers to write down what they feel and any ideas that might come to them while reading a book, whether it’s a self-help book or not. This way, readers can reflect on their lives and the changes they need to make, based on what they read.

The book is a valuable reference tool because you can use it to gain more knowledge about the subject.