Category: Social

{When you’re getting ready for a date, you want to look perfect. The inner monologue doesn’t stop running through your appearance: Is this shirt wrinkled? Is there anything in my teeth? The list goes on and on. It turns out, your looks aren’t necessarily what make you the most attractive to the woman sitting across from you.
}

Recently, the dating app Plenty of Fish released the findings of Conversation Nation, the largest survey on the topic. More than 2,000 single participants whose ages ranged from 18 to 70 (Up to 70? Did sexagenarians really need to be included here?), and nine out of 10 people believed that a successful date hinged on good conversation.

The top reason conversation makes someone better looking? It’s way easier to be attracted to someone when you aren’t sitting in awkward silence or arguing about politics. Plus it gives you a chance to showcase three attributes women look for when choosing an ideal mate: intelligence, a sexy voice, and a good sense of humor.

Understandably, you’re less likely to find someone attractive if a conversation was completely awful. If you and your date have nothing in common, if they come across rude, or if they don’t share your same values, it’s definitely a turnoff, according to 85 percent of participants.

When it comes to planning a date, you can’t go wrong with suggesting drinks at a local bar or restaurant. And if everything is going well, don’t ruin it by doing something like checking your phone constantly, talking about your ex, or even going outside to take smoke breaks. The survey shows that these actions—especially ignoring your date in favor of texting your buddies—are seen as disruptive and distracting.

If the date went well, call your date to let them know you enjoyed it. More than 80 percent of singles surveyed agree that a phone call constitutes a conversation, and it’s another opportunity to impress them with your communication skills.

{Two secondary school students died after they drowned in a swimming pool in Nyanza town.}

Brian Rwabukayire (14) and Yves Ngirinshuti (15), students of Ecole Techniques Saint Peters Secondary School drowned in the pool at Hotel Dayenu. The unfortunate incident happened around 3:30 pm on Monday.

Police spokesperson in Southern Province IP Emmanuel Kayigi has told IGIHE two men including Hotel manager and owner of the Dayenu were arrested while an investigation is underway for negligence of duty. . He also said that the search is on for the swimming pool “life saver” who is on a run.

“It was said the students usually were allowed to swim in the hotel pool. We arrested the owner and manager of the hotel. They claim that the pool attendant was not paying attention. They said that he escaped but they are hunting for him.”

The two students were on holiday.

{“Don’t ruin a good today because of a bad yesterday.” — Unknown

Every day is a new day to start all over, but letting the mistakes and regrets of yesterday remain in your mind can truly ruin your today.}

Living in regrets is killing the beauty of the new day as well as the opportunities that come with the new day.

{{These are ten ways to stop living in regrets:}}

1. First, you must let in forgiveness. If it was your mistake, forgive yourself, and if it was the mistake of someone else, you ought to forgive them, for the sake of your peace. Forgiveness is the best tool for stop living in regrets.

2. You must understand that regret is only a waste of time. There’s no benefit you’d get from regretting. Attaching yourself to the emotions that come with regret will only leave you at a particular spot.

3. Learn from the mistake. The best thing you can do about a situation you regret is to learn from it. Being sad and unhappy wouldn’t do you any good; rather, you should learn from the experience that negative situation brought you.

4. If you can, see the positives… If you can get a positive from that situation, then you are one step ahead. If you feel there’s no positive, the fact you are alive is the best positive there is. The fact you have life means you have hope.

5. Time and patience heal everything; just give it a chance.

6. Try to replace that sad feeling and feelings of regret with something positive.

7. Make a conscious effort to fight regret. Regret is a battle that must be fought with all your strength. So whenever those negative thoughts of regrets come up, push them away.

8. Be proactive and start thinking of the next line of action. Stop being stuck in that ugly situation.

9. Give a chance to happiness, passion, love, hope and self-belief. Because at the end of the day, any time spent regretting is a wasted time.

Stop living in regrets and start living your life. You have one life to live; why waste it?

Source:Elcrema

{Fathers-to-be, take note: You may be more useful in the labor and delivery room than you realize.}

That’s one takeaway from a study released last week that found that when an empathetic partner holds the hand of a woman in pain, their heart and respiratory rates sync and her pain dissipates.

“The more empathic the partner and the stronger the analgesic effect, the higher the synchronization between the two when they are touching,” said lead author Pavel Goldstein, a postdoctoral pain researcher in the Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience Lab at CU Boulder.

The study of 22 couples, published in the journal Scientific Reports last week, is the latest in a growing body of research on “interpersonal synchronization,” the phenomenon in which individuals begin to physiologically mirror the people they’re with.

Scientists have long known that people subconsciously sync their footsteps with the person they’re walking with or adjust their posture to mirror a friend’s during conversation. Recent studies also show that when people watch an emotional movie or sing together, their heart rates and respiratory rhythms synchronize. When leaders and followers have a good rapport, their brainwaves fall into a similar pattern. And when romantic couples are simply in each other’s presence, their cardiorespiratory and brainwave patterns sync up, research has shown.

The new study, co-written with University of Haifa Professor Simone Shamay-Tsoory and Assistant Professor Irit Weissman-Fogel, is the first to explore interpersonal synchronization in the context of pain and touch. The authors hope it can inform the discussion as health care providers seek opioid-free pain relief options.

Goldstein came up with the idea after witnessing the birth of his daughter, now 4.

“My wife was in pain, and all I could think was, ‘What can I do to help her?’ I reached for her hand and it seemed to help,” he recalls. “I wanted to test it out in the lab: Can one really decrease pain with touch, and if so, how?”

Goldstein recruited 22 long-term heterosexual couples, age 23 to 32, and put them through a series of tests aimed at mimicking that delivery-room scenario.

Men were assigned the role of observer; women the pain target. As instruments measured their heart and breathing rates, they: sat together, not touching; sat together holding hands; or sat in separate rooms. Then they repeated all three scenarios as the woman was subjected to a mild heat pain on her forearm for 2 minutes.

As in previous trials, the study showed couples synced physiologically to some degree just sitting together. But when she was subjected to pain and he couldn’t touch her, that synchronization was severed. When he was allowed to hold her hand, their rates fell into sync again and her pain decreased.

“It appears that pain totally interrupts this interpersonal synchronization between couples,” Goldstein said. “Touch brings it back.”

Goldstein’s previous research found that the more empathy the man showed for the woman (as measured in other tests), the more her pain subsided during touch. The more physiologically synchronized they were, the less pain she felt.

It’s not clear yet whether decreased pain is causing increased synchronicity, or vice versa.

“It could be that touch is a tool for communicating empathy, resulting in an analgesic, or pain-killing, effect,” said Goldstein.

Further research is necessary to figure out how a partner’s touch eases pain. Goldstein suspects interpersonal synchronization may play a role, possibly by affecting an area of the brain called the anterior cingulate cortex, which is associated with pain perception, empathy, and heart and respiratory function.

The study did not explore whether the same effect would occur with same-sex couples, or what happens when the man is the subject of pain. Goldstein did measure brainwave activity and plans to present those results in a future study.

He hopes the research will help lend scientific credence to the notion that touch can ease pain.

For now, he has some advice for partners in the delivery room: Be ready and available to hold your partner’s hand.

Source:Science Daily

{Welcome everyone to this Sunday’s edition of the Elcrema Sunday Love Special, and we’d be looking at a 21st century trend today — something that’s very common among many relationship partners — cohabiting before marriage.}

Cohabiting before marriage is now a normal thing, and many see it as the serious of a relationship? But is it right? Is it healthy? Is it moral? Is it okay?

Drama and Shawn will tell us how they feel about cohabiting before marriage.

{{Drama}}

Cohabiting before marriage has negatives and positives, and what you get out of it is a direct product of who you’re with. What I’m trying to say is, it can be rewarding and equally disastrous if the person you’re with is not ready.

So I think it’s important to consider that before you move in with anyone. Some people want to date, but don’t know what it means to get married, because that is exactly what you do when you live together with your partner. You may not have done the marriage rites, but you’re married, and live like husband and wife. A person who isn’t mature enough for marriage and that level of commitment will be broken and discouraged from courting or even getting married if you co-habit with them because there’s so much that you learn about people when you stay together. You find out who a person truly is and what their true identities are when you live with them.

For some, it’s a good thing because they get to understand their potential spouse better and know how to treat them, while for others, it can change their feelings towards you, especially when they find out too much dirt on your personality. So it really goes both ways. It can help a relationship or marriage be stronger and more successful, and it can mean the end of it too. So it’s important to know who you date before you think of cohabiting with them.

If you’re dating someone who isn’t fully ready for that level of commitment just yet, or they’re just not mature enough for it just yet, then, you’re probably better off staying apart. A clear sign of people like this are those who don’t have an issue with not talking to you for as long as 2, 3 days or who show withdrawal signs when you get too close. If on the other hand, they are all over you, and they always seem to want to be with you, then, it’s a sign that they won’t have a problem with cohabiting. I also think it’s important to go at it gradually. Spend the night on occasions, and see what their reaction is, then you can know what the next move would be from there.

I honestly have no problems with cohabiting; I just think it depends on who you’re with, and what you’re looking for. Only people who plan on being together for the long haul should try it though.

{{Shawn}}

Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and what might be good for Mr A will not really augur well with Mr B. Cohabiting before marriage is a trend that has come to stay in the 21st century relationship world. You don’t need to look too far to find a couple who are staying together but aren’t married.

Personally, I find it flawed for so many reasons, but I’d share just two of my opinions.

Firstly, it takes away the spark of being married and starting a new family when you are already acting like you are married. Living together with your partner long before you even decide to tie the knots will be the same when (if) you eventually get married; there wouldn’t be any joy added or anything new, and if you aren’t careful the marriage might get stale too soon.

Secondly, cohabiting before marriage doesn’t give room for personal development. People who cohabit believe that they get to know more about their partners this way than when they stay apart, but I doubt it. Cohabiting with each other doesn’t give room for personal development; you might remain stuck and redundant when you cohabit with a partner. The more months and years you spend together, the less likely you get to build on your individual lives. Knowing how to be independent even when in a relationship is a strength that’ll help you in marriage. You ought to learn about each other and improve on your flaws during a relationship. But when you cohabit, you learn about each other but don’t have the space to improve on certain aspects of your life and the relationship.

You also don’t get to miss each other when you cohabit; you get so used to each other’s presence that you don’t look forward to life after marriage, because you are already experiencing it even though it’s unofficial. Cohabiting doesn’t bring that spark of “I’ve missed you”, and when you have lost this so early on, it might cause problems in the near future.

There you have it; Drama and Shawn have both revealed what they think about cohabiting before marriage. What’s your take on this subject?

Source:Elcrema

{Self-examination is very important in a relationship and marriage, but the problem lies in the fact that many people fail to examine themselves in their marriages; they just feel they are on the right track and do little to nothing to examine what their wrongs are in the marriage.}

These are some common ways wives tend to fail in their marriage:

{{1. Want all the affection and give none }}

It’s easy to crave all the attention; after all society has taught women to do so, but it shouldn’t be so. Don’t crave all the affection and attention and forget to give your man as much attention and affection.

{{2. Not giving the man enough respect }}

Respecting your man shows just how much you value him, and not giving him respect shows how little you value him. You fail as a wife if you don’t value your wife.

{{3. Putting others before your husband }}

Never bring your husband down to the point of thinking that someone else is above him in the pecking order. You fail as a wife if you put your family and friends before your husband. Inasmuch as they should be important to you, your husband is still your priority.

{{4. Thinking you are always right }}

Believing you are always right makes you wrong in the first instance. Be able to reach a compromise, as much as you want your voice to be heard you must listen as well.

{{5. Using sex as a bargaining tool }}

Sex is seen as a weapon by most wives — a weapon to get what they want. But is sex really a weapon? If you must use sex as a weapon, then it should be a weapon that will bring you closer to your man. It’s an unfair act to use sex as a bargaining tool.

{{6. Constantly reminding him of the past }}

No matter what he has done in the past, you have to let go of it. A lot of women fail in this aspect; they constantly bring the man down by reminding him of his every mistake, his past failures and his past wrongs.

{{7. Nagging }}

A lot of wives believe their nagging will change their man, but they are only pushing him away with their persistent nagging. Nagging will only make your man run far away from you, and you’d barely have peace in your marriage if you are a nagging wife.

{{8. Criticisms}}

Many women are guilty of this act, without knowing that they are hurting their homes. Constantly criticising your husband will put him under undue pressure and you’ll lose him in the long run.

You fail as a wife when you put up these traits. Being a wife isn’t just a title, it’s a responsibility.

Source:Elcrema

{We’re in the social media age, and it’s obvious how people love to get lots of followers and likes on their posts on social media.}

However, a 2017 study has found that receiving ‘likes’ on social media posts doesn’t make people feel better about themselves or improve their mood if they are down.

These are the findings of a preliminary study presented at the British Psychological Society’s Annual Conference in Brighton on May 3, 2017, by Dr Martin Graff from University of South Wales.

A total of 340 participants recruited via Twitter and Facebook completed personality questionnaires. They were also asked to say how much they agreed or disagreed with 25 statements relating to the ways people appreciate being valued on social media. For example ‘the attention I get from social media makes me feel good’ or ‘I consider someone popular based on the amount of likes they get’.

Analysis revealed that participants who said they went out of their way to get more likes (such as asking others or paying) were more likely to have low self-esteem and be less trusting. The same was true of those who admitted deleting posts or making a picture their profile picture on account of the number of likes it received.

The results also showed that receiving likes didn’t actually make people feel any better about themselves or make them feel better when they were down.

Dr Graff said: “The proliferation of social media use has led to general concerns about the effects on our mental health. Although this is just a relatively small scale study the results indicate that the ways we interact with social media can affect how we feel and not always positively.”

Source:Elcrema

{What you know is what will empower you; you are bound by what you know, and you can hardly go beyond that.}

There are some truths some people have come to discover in their life and it’s working for them, and there are truths that others haven’t yet discovered and don’t know the power in it.

These truths below might sound simple, but they are very powerful when honestly applied:

{{1. No one owes you anything }}

Wake up every morning with this mindset that no one owes you anything. Some people limit what they can do by thinking the world is unfair to them and people owe them certain things, but this is untrue. Everything you need to succeed is deep within you, all you need do is reach out within and bring out that inner zeal or fire.

{{2. You can’t please everyone }}

Stop living to please people, because you limit yourself when you do this. If you are aiming to please everyone and live the way others want you to live, it’ll be impossible for you to achieve anything great. You can’t fulfil everyone’s expectations; so create your own expectations and try to fulfil it.

{{3. Everything starts with your mind }}

Every great thing was first conceived in the mind, formed and then believed that it will become great. Your mind is your most powerful tool; it’s what you conceive in it that will be actualised in your life.

Positivity and negativity starts from the mind, and it’s the force that can determine just how far you can go.

{{4. Action is everything }}

People want the best things, they want to achieve impossible feats and they want to achieve great things in life, but they are afraid of starting; they are afraid of the part called ACTION. Action is very important if you must realise that great dream. Saint Francis of Assisi said: “Start by doing what’s necessary; then do what’s possible and suddenly you are doing the impossible.”

{{5. Change starts from within }}

You’re the change that you want to see, you have the power to change everything around you, but the problem lies when you wait for others to change what you should change.

If you can realise that change starts from within, then you’d go a long way.

Source:Elcrema

{It’s not enough to call yourself a husband; being a husband comes with a lot of responsibilities, and your ability or inability to play this role well is what will lead to the success or failure of the relationship.}

It’s not enough to get married and bear the title of a husband, these roles are very important and if you fail in the roles mentioned below, you might be failing as a husband.

{{1. Not taking care of your wife }}

A husband ought to take care of his wife, and any husband who fails in doing so is blatantly failing in his role. If you don’t take care of her, who should? This is the foundation of where being a good husband starts from.

{{2. Not giving her enough attention }}

A woman feeds off attention, and the number person she needs attention from is her husband. If you can’t give that woman attention, then you shouldn’t marry her, because you fail as a man when you don’t give your wife attention.

{{3. Being too busy for her }}

Bills must be paid and work must be done; they are very important. But in all, your wife should be part of your life no matter how busy your schedule is. Of course, she’d understand when she knows you’re working hard for the family, but this will only happen when you put her in the picture. A message, a call, spending time with her when you can, showing her that you care and telling her everything, is a good way to do this. When you succeed in doing this, she’d be a more understanding wife.

{{4. Not listening to her }}

Your wife is your companion, and if you don’t talk to your companion, I wonder who you’ll talk to. Tell that woman everything she needs to know and don’t stop at that — listen to her too. Any man who doesn’t listen to his wife is failing as a husband.

{{5. Not making her feel important }}

Your wife ought to feel loved and cherished; you should make her feel important and you should treat her like you value her. If you fail in doing these, then you are failing as a husband.

{{6.You tend to make her sad }}

A lot of women cry day and night and feel sad because of the kind of treatment they get from their husbands; if you are among the men who make their women sad, then you are failing in your role as a husband.

{{7. You disrespect her voice and her body }}

A woman has a voice and a say in the marriage, but a lot of men tend to disrespect that; they feel being a man is all about respect and authority. Disrespecting your woman’s voice just highlights your failure as a man, and those who go as far as hitting their women and doing all manner of things to their women’s body don’t even deserve that woman in the first place.

{{7. Priority }}

When you married her, you swore to make her a priority. Those vows you say during marriage are more than just words, and when you go against those vows, it simply implies you are are not a man of your words. A good husband makes his wife a priority.

{{8. Making her feel alone }}

One terrible experience most women suffer in their marriage is a feeling of isolation. Some men choose to get bored of the marriage and abandon the emotional needs of the woman. Making your woman feel miserable doesn’t in any way make you a good husband.

{{9. You cheat }}

I’m sure you saw this coming, didn’t you? But it’s the truth. Cheating on your wife is an unfair thing to do; it’s against the vows you swore, it’s against the promises you made and it’s an act of wickedness.

{{10. Not apologizing
}}

A man who doesn’t apologise when he’s sorry is taking the marriage to doom, and this is what a lot of men do. Apologising doesn’t make you weak, rather it showcases your strength as a man. It won’t take anything from your marriage, rather it’ll solidify it. If you do something wrong, never fail to apologise for it.

{{11. Not getting close enough to her }}

Your wife should be your best buddy; if there’s anyone that you should rely on, trust and be dedicated to — it’s your wife. You ought to spend time with her and understand her needs as a wife and a woman. She should be your everything and you should know everything about her. You fail as a husband if you don’t get close enough to your wife.

Have you been failing as a husband?

Source:Elcrema

{Your friendships will either make you a better person or make you a terrible person — there are no in-betweens; you either have a good friendship or a bad friendship.}

Any friendship that leaves a negative impact in your life is a bad friendship, and any friendship that has a positive impact on your life is a good friendship.

These are some examples of good friendships that will take you far in life.

1. Doing the right thing is very difficult, and any friend who will make you do the right no matter what, is a good friend and such a friendship will make you conscious of always doing the right thing.

2. Any friendship that spurs you on to be better than before is the right kind of friendship to have; you’re not competitors but you push each other to be better.

3. Friends who make you take good choices will also make you healthier. Research has found out that good friendships result in better health. Friends who will encourage you to shun things like alcohol, smoking and use of hard drugs and encourage you to eat healthy and use healthy practices are the kind of friends you really need in your life.

4. Friends who aren’t afraid to tell you the honest truth. No one likes to be told the truth about their mistakes and deficiencies, but a friend who tells you the bitter truth is the kind of friend you need in your life if you must succeed.

5. Friends who encourage you when you are down and who spur you to bring out the greatness that lie within you are the kind of friends you really need.

6. Friends who are a source of encouragement when you are down are one of the best kinds of friends to have, because they’ll always lift you up, and there are times where it might be difficult for you to do this yourself.

7. A friend who supports you when you are down is the kind of friendship that’ll will take you to the top. A lot of friends are only there when things are good, and when the going gets tough, they disappear.

8. A friend who wants you to win, who wants you to be successful and who isn’t jealous of your success is the kind of friendship you need.

9. A friend whom you can learn from is a good friendship that’ll take you far in life. Friends ought to learn from, and any friendship you can’t learn anything positive from is a waste of friendship.

What kind of friends do you have? Is your friendship taking you forward or backward?

Source:Elcrema